I'm the world's famous cocktail journalist(ess) Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track soon.
While on her way home from visiting a friend at around midnight, world famous cocktail journalist received a SMS:
At Grotesk yard with Mss S. Come! Love, Mss M.
I immediately recognized duty's call and turned my bicycle wheels into a new direction. In the lovely summer yard I found my friends Mss M and Mss S with another friend Mss M. Plus some new friends: Miss X, half Finnish, half Saudi-Arabian, a DOLL whom you gotta love (she said my
selfmade little leather cuff could be Chanel), her work mate Mr X from Norway, and his mate Mr X from Ireland, the latter of whom happened to know Mss M already (don't want to know the details....and I'm lying... and I don't even know if there are any 'details', [oh, were there any Details last night? oh yes, you bet, such a Detailed night... and how were his Details? I'm into Details; Etc.]), and, in another table, more friends, the pretty and lushy blond Mss T, and another tall good looking blond Mss A -and all of these people wild and single, I assume. (Except for Mss S, who is seriously dating Mr V.)
At the bar the cocktail reporting possibility of Grotesk was visibly laid down on the bartenders' worktop in the form of fresh watermelon, mint, strawberries. As well as in the beautifully salt rimmed and icylemonysharp looking
margarita sailing past my eyes in someones hand. At the moment, though, my code broke a bit, so I approached the bartender (another blonde Mr) as follows:
"Hi, I'm a world famous cocktail journalist. And I would like to order that drink with the salt trim, hmmm...
Daiquiri?"
"No, that's a
Margarita."
Luckily, my friend Mss T, the lushy one with breasts and all, appeared at the bar and begun her witty sexy flirt with the bar workers. That left me some time to create a new approach. Fandom.
"I love cocktails but good ones are rare. How does one become a pro cocktail bartender like you?"
Saved. I hope there weren't people waiting in line for their drinks, as I spent some good five minutes at the bar. Learning the following:
The bartenders name was
Victor Über, or that's what I first heard, until he corrected by pressing it's
Nyberg, not
Über. According to him and later on verified by googling by the WF investigative J, he is known in
the bar circles in Finland, competed in the art of making cocktails, led various bars, often with his cute mate at Grotesk, whose name I forgot (either the face or name, isn't it? or, of course, the bod, and you know, sometimes something they say). And I learned, not only the difference between
daiquiri and
margarita but also this factum/opinion:
* Anyone can work in a bar. But to manage a bar, or to make cocktails in a quality joint, you need a 4 year education (which Victor himself, naturally, had acquire, plus some additional 4 years specializing)
* Bartending schools in Finland produce world's top bartenders
* In London, almost as nice a cocktail city as Hel Sin Ki ,you start from the bottom pooring beer, then you climb to the GT-mixing level, and, if you're good, only then you can dream of mixing a real cocktail (which doesn't stop me from planning to open a health drink herbal massage cocktail bar, serving also various chocolates, with the target group guess which sex?)
* Bad cocktails are typically too watery. Which is caused when the ice cubes used to cool the glasses are left to melt, and the resulting water is not carefully removed before pooring in the drink
* Cocktail quality is mostly up to the quality of the ingredients
* In Helsinki, only 6 bars can afford or care to use fresh produce. The list in random order:
1.
Grotesk
2.
Shaker
3.
Sling In
4.
A21
6.
American Bar
* Soon, in
The Night of The Arts in Helsinki, there's a
cocktail festival at
Apollo Live Club. Minuses: crowdy and the place is "Sedula" which is Finnish for tacky. Pluses: superb cocktails come cheap.
* And, in early 2000
Mr Victor Über himself (sorry, can't resist) had run a bar specializing in herbs (not talking about The Herb here), more than 20 of them, in Helsinki. And I said to him: "You were too early. Start again now. Take it from the World Famous Cocktail Journalist."
Back at the table, Mss M1 was anxiously waiting for her
vodka cranberry which I promised to deliver and did, eventually. Us ladies took a round of compliments from each other (Mss M1's new soft ocra hair makes her look even more beautiful, my ear rings were gorgeous, etc. etc.). The two guys were keeping quiet, either shy, thinking we and women in general are stupid, or both, I assume. To make it worse, I decided to reveal the company my real purposes.
I told about my profession (WFCJ), and tried to interview Mr X from Ireland about his Mojito. Is it a good one? Him and Mss M2 were not getting it. "It's a Mojito, it tastes like a Mojito", they said. I was offering a glue by telling how I had often had very dissapointing
Margarita's. "How can you fail making a
Margarita?" Mr X from I asked. I'm telling you, it's people like this who keep the status of cocktail artists low.
"Well, for example,
Margarita could be too stiff, too sweet, too soury, or too... watery?" As they didn't nod or give any feedback I looked for another word and immediately realized a joke. "Too wet?" Okay, now the guys really thought I was stupid. "Hey, my drink is too wet!" I yelled. As I said watery again, Mr X from I helped me out with my English: "Watery, yes, but not wet."
Which leads me to the theme of the rest of the night, shared by myself, Mss M1 and Mss S: Men. Before that, the drink test.
Margarita in Grotesk, Helsinki, was empeccable.
The 2, or 3, companies parted, and the three girlfriends were sharing gossip at
Beetroot, drinking
vodka cranberry.
"Is it possible that it was that bright red hair that kept the guys alert and away for the past 12 years???!!!"
"Is it possible that it is only this blonde hair that makes them so interested now?!"
"When a man cuddles and kisses a woman all night when they're out at bars, and then, when together in the taxi heading towards intimacy, all the sudden ask the driver to stop and escapes, and when this happens repeatedly for months on, does it mean that the man is gay?"
"This guy I've been sleeping with lately, although it's not something that is leading anywhere (this is what they all say when something really good is beginning, not just recognising it yet), is in the top on the sex list. Maybe even the top 1."
"Going three hours on end."
"We envy you!" (having boyfriends, a big mistake if looking from this 'detailed' angle)
"This guy is really nice but there's a lot of problematic stuff going on in his head."
"There's a lot of THAT around."
Details. Details. Details.
