Holiday flash-backs: random acquaintances going mental! Part II, Athens

I'm the world famous music journalist(ess) Hilkka Pattila - also a music science drop-out, but not famous for that, since it's common.. I know why men choose this career - it's because of free booze. I'm more into cocktails.

*****

November really seems to have negative effects on peoples’ mental well-being worldwide and it gets worse as we get closer to the end of the month. My Greek acquaintance has proved to have been even a better case as expected whilst in part I.

He, let’s call him Jorgos, has developed his lunatic behavior to the limit where I (as an expereienced music journalist, who has an extensive understanding of all kind of cultures and folklore per se) have completely lost track.

The story begins in Athens where I got last July with my attorney friend Kaija who works in the entertainment biz and she really is very entertaining! I need her help quite often since I’m prone to go beyond the law..

Kaija had enrolled for a law seminar and I was a hang-around member. Sure I could have seen some effort to look up a nice concert or gig there, but I wasn’t really in the mood. I just needed some time off my own scene. And what comes to Greek music – it doesn’t make any sense to me. Sorry posse and my dear colleague Pirkko Kotirinta who might give me some consultance on the subject. Even Greek folk dance reminds me of my drunk homies. Sorry homies!

Anyway, I and Kaija spent most of the evenings at Guru bar close to our hotel – mostly because of Jorgos, a nice bartender who treated us with a gentle touch. He made as fancy cocktails (e.g. Moscow Mules) and seemed to be a cool guy.

What happens in November? It’s been three months without any contact with Jorgos (we had exchanged email addresses) and suddenly he has realized that I’m the LOVE of his life. Shit! I receive love letters, text messages, photos and other material although I never return his emails. I also told him (with a severe tone) that I’m not available. Doesn’t ring a bell to him. Let’s observe this culture anthropological miracle with a little text sample:

”Hilkka, many times when i listen music ,my music im thinking of you and combine the songs i listen with you

hope to meet you soon

miss you

please respond

please send photos of you

i will call you to talk to you want to listen to your voice

pleasekeep contact

please dont torture me

kisses”

Conclusion:

I will lock myself up into Lil’ Tony’s Dark room where I can’t see any men. Seven hours is way too little. Wake me up when the flowers grow in the yard of Kuudeslinja and the sun shines in Helsinki rock city.

Player Plus Player Doesn't Make a Couple in Helsinki

I am the world famous cocktail journalist Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track.

Without looking for it, I was asked for a date. Sober, in complete daylight and face to face. Mr T is a Sipology scholar like me, already a PhD and working at the Agency of Advancing Cocktail Culture in the Nordic Region. He looks nice. A bit funny, but nice. After a Martini workshop on Wednesday, on the street outside, he turned to face me, looked straight into my eyes and said "I have been invited to a party on Saturday, would you like to be my avec?" How could he take such a risk? Doesn't he know the rules of this game? Doesn't he even know about the game? I said yes.

The party turned out to be the pop star Ilkka Alanko's 40th birthday party. When arriving to greet him, I was expecting him to express he knows my fame just as I know his. But he asked Mr. T to teel him who his beautiful company was, which was a nasty insult that celebs sometimes use on each other. To make it worse, I had to sit there all night watching him and all his rock star mates perform and suck the room dry of admiration. Mr. T seemed happy, but I was suffering. I longed to the cocktail bars, to my kindom. Began texting my friends: where are you?

Mss R replied to tell me she was going out with the artist she had met. "I told him I'm not looking for a serious relationship", she texted. She always says that to guys with whom she wants a serious relationship. When the guys are happy with just the sex too, she says they don't care about her. "Stupid girl", I texted her. Tried Hilkka. She asked me to come to a party at the Opera, meaning the actual opera house. My SMS: "Hilkka, I've had  3 fillings of sparkling while waiting for the welcoming toast, 3 of the still, and 2 Gin Tonics: Opera is not my place."

Decided to go to A21 and said goodbye to Mr T. He walked me out. At the door, he did that staring thing again. "I find you very interesting", he said. "Thanks", I said, panicking. I hope nobody ever asks me to marry them, that would be too embarrasing.
"I would like to meet you again."
I began stepping backwards. "Yeah, let's text each other."
"Or maybe we could decide a date now." (What?!!!)
"I don't know, you know, I'll need to check my calendar, so let's get back", I mumbled, ready to go.
"Okay." And then he does the thing in the movies, comes so close I can feel his breath, and I'm petrified, and he lowers his eyes to my lips and his lips come slightly apart, and he gets closer and closer, and then he kisses me softly and it takes a long time and its wonderful. I start walking away and he is watching so hard I don't remember how to walk and behind the corner I just smile the biggest smile, and then I giggle.

At the A21, beneath the vivid talk about cocktails and bars, I was dizzy.

Maybe every real couple needs one person that doesn't play games? Maybe I had only met players so far. Maybe they too need someone who doesn't play. Some other, different kind of woman. Already after one date, Mr T. had made me see myself more clearly: I am a player. Autch.

In London With Amy

I am the world famous cocktail journalist Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track.

***

Dear fans, friends and lovers: regards from London, the world's best cocktail city. I flew over yesterday on a grant from EU liquer industry to report on the latest mixes. Received 300 € for a hotel, but stayed with my girlfriend in Camden and pocketed the cash for better purposes. On my way to work stopped by in a bar in Camden. Don't remeber the name but it's the one where Amy Whinehouse (is that name a joke or for real?) is said to hang out. And she did: behind the counter! There she was flashing her new white post-boob-job-bra and taking orders.

She was disgusting. Kept sucking her fingers and forgot everybodys orders. At the closing she just just down on the floor and drunk vodka straight from the bottle. Luckily she also forgot to charge me of any of my dozen GT's, which makes my trip even more profitable.

It seems that I'm losing my tolerances! Got so drunk out of the merely dozen or so doses, that failed to go to any real cocktail bar, e.g. failed to complete by job! EU will be angry! The last I remember is me sliding down on the wooden floorboard next to Whinehouse. All the sudden, I really felt for her. 

"Oh Amy, I so know what it's like to be an artist."
"Are you an artist too?" she asked, offering me a sip of her vodka.
"Yeah. And it's so hard. And fame only makes it worse", I said, grapping the bottle.
"Bottoms up!" she encouraged and took another vodka bottle from the shelve.
"I just wanna be independent and follow my deepest intuition but those greedy bastards in media want me to be their whore", I was raging.
"Fuck them!" Amy shouted.
"Fuck everybody!" I joined her. 

I woke up one hour before my flight back to Helsinki. In some flat in some suburb, inhabited by a young journalist named Steve. Thank God: for a second before opening my eyes I was afraid the person cuddling me was Whinehouse. Found her sleeping in the corridor on my way out.

Now I just have to create a convincing report for the EU liquer industry. If You know something about London cocktail bars, please send me personal e-mail.

Holiday flash-backs: random acquaintances going mental! Part I, NYC

I'm the world famous music journalist(ess) Hilkka Pattila - also a music science drop-out, but not famous for that, since it's common.. I know why men choose this career - it's because of free booze. I'm more into cocktails.

*****
November seems to have negative effects on peoples’ mental well-being worldwide. There have been several signs of lunatic behavior lately e.g. one from Athens and the other one from as far as NYC/Miami. In this case I wouldn’t say ”Welcome to Miami, benvenido a Miami", even though Will Smith's version is extremely entertaining, especially in this state of sun deprivation.

The story begins from New York where I spent a very succesfull holiday - business trip combination with my dear friend Anna V. last January. Anna V. had obligations regarding an article she was writing to Herald Tribune (comparison of vodka and gin - believe it or not). I was there mostly to do my last pilgrimage to Virgin Megastore in Union Square since the store was doomed to be shut down for good and it was. And sure I wanted to see my old friend Janita whose fresh record is out in the stores now - (not at Virgin’s though). I love her video "Haunted" directed by Paola Suhonen.

Back to NYC. One night (or actually two) we went to my favorite club Cielo located in the Meatpacking District. François K. who was spinning the turntables at redrum two weeks ago is a resident at Cielo on Mondays. The first song he played was Eurodans by Todd Terje who was playing at Nolla last Saturday.
Anyway, at Cielo I bumped into two road managers who mostly deal in the R&B sector.

The other one has apartments in NYC and in Miami, so that explains the above mentioned Miami connection. That guy, named Rico, decided to have a rush on me and he’s been sending mostly monologue type of emails to ever since. I don't even get back to him. Last Friday he almost caused me a stroke by sending a picture of his dick to my inbox!!! What a personal way to make an impression. I was absolutely flattered. I think our communication channel has been exploded for good.

This week's tip #1 is definitely dj Lil' Louis' gig at redrum on Sat, Nov 14. His book A man's diary was published right after our holiday. Haven't read it yet, but I'm absolutely thrilled to see what's going on in this dj's mind. I only know about the French Kiss.

Saturday b-day bash at Korjaamo

I'm the world famous music journalist(ess) Hilkka Pattila - also a music science drop-out, but not famous for that, since it's common.. I know why men choose this career - it's because of free booze. I'm more into cocktails.

Last Saturday a friend of mine – the legendary dj Ender was turning years. He had invited a bunch of friends – mostly other deejays and music people to Korjaamo culture factory to celebrate – which in this case meant buckets of sparkling with a cake avec.

I was the only music critic there. My gentleman colleagues don’t hang around in the dj scene too much. Half of them were probably in Tampere (Music and Media fair to get themeselves wasted) and the other half at Tavastia club digging on Ane Brun. I was happy enough to recollect her gig in Huvila tent last August. She was so strong and fragile. All points to her, that night she touched my emotional side, but I don’t long for deep waters in November! Musicwise, the only deep I want is deep house…


Back to Korjaamo..I sipped on my sparkling – probably Freixenet and vodka cranberry (again) and drowned into work related conversations with some music people e.g Tuomas Kallio who’s the man behind Flow festival and Nu Spirit Helsinki. Very mind blowing discussions from a critic’s point of view, even though I couldn’t persuade him to reveal a tiny bit of next year’s line-up.


Talking about music people – my cell started beeping continuously. What a surprise, the contradictory musician friend approaching me with the lines introduced to me already 13 years ago! Further details later. I was (for once) in the mood to go to Botta or someplace else as boring (but oh so popular), to meet him and hear about HIS career since mine is not interesting. He was apparently pondering between different options so I carried on with my interesting conversations and stomped my feet to the beat of dj Eppu’s and Lauri Soini’s ( a.k.a 80’s cop) goodies.


The ever- weird musician couldn’t make up his mind. What’s the point in sending smses without an outcome and why can’t he approach me in the daytime? I’ve given my critics on him way back and I think I just have to stick to it. Seems we are playing musical chairs here!