Saturday, September 26, 2009

Serious Cocktail Discourse & Deja-vú Bobby



I'm the world's famous cocktail journalist(ess) Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track soon.

Set a date with Miss S, a collegue and a friend, who has recently found a man, had a child and moved to a terrace house in Espoo (Betrayer!!!) Got contaminated by her stay-at-home-mum life already via SMS-exchange and arranged to meet at A21 at 7 p.m. Discovered two embarrasing issues at the door.

A) The cocktail lounge only opens at 2o. And worse, B) Tonight they were holding a private party for the second anniversary of the bar, only people with invitations could get in - and I didn't have one! Well, obviously they'd sent one to a wrong address or something, and all I needed to do was to tell them who I was. But I was happier just to meet my friend and focuse on our trade: tasting cocktails. So we went to the good old American Bar, a place where I've been going since I was 14.

I was astonished to see Miss S's perfect complex, smooth blonde hair, elegant nose and wide eyelids. To be honest, I had expected at least some decrease in attractivity, with pregnancy and breast feeding and suburbian lifestyle. It's a matter of fact, I had hoped for her to act as my contrast person later on when in surroundings inhabited by the Target Group.

Enjoyed her company anyway. She is a pro, after all, gotta respect her. She even spent one whole year in Firenze, Italy, to take courses in aperitivo cocktail culture in the highly recognized Europe Cocktail School. I can't believe her husband would like her to quit clinical work. So bourgeois, isn't it?

She had a Monica Z. and a Frambuesa Con Patate, I had the same plus Torsby and Fuego Manzana. All mixed by the accomplished guru Mikko Kemppinen.

Miss S: "Hmmmm, this tastes kind of like Mojito, but different. Maybe it is because this has mint too. And this has gin instead of rum. It's a version of Mojito. Mojito is always really nice, especilly in the summer when it's hot outside."

World Famous Cocktail Journalist, e.g. Me: "This drink is perfect. The glass is cold, and the texture is really nice. Kind of thick. And it's sweet. But maybe not very interesting."

Miss S: "Hmmm. This is not your standard Strawberry Margarita, but different."

WFCJ: "Yeah, this too is really interesting, and surprisingly I like that Campari in it."

To be able to enjoy something with Campari was a real accomplishment to me, since my tastes aren't, despite myt profession, very wide. My advantages have so far been my cabality of working very hard as well as my natural glamour.

I was ready for another round, but her buss to Espoo was leaving. It was ok, since you should never approach the Target Group with a friend who's better looking as yourself. Hugged her goodbye, and began wondering about town. Ended up in Kalle, Kaarle XII, a bar that I hate (everyone does) but still go there (everyone does) because of the Target Group.

Felt all too sober, which in retrospect means that I was drunk, went straight to the bar and ordered three Fisus, which are Fishermens friend induced vodka shots, a Finnish specialty I believe. And guess who appeared at the bar? Bobby! Women, have you met this man? If you have, you know already, if not, listen to my story.

This is how it goes with Bobby. First, he introduces himself and hands his business card. The he asks your phone number. If you're still interested when it's time to go, he invites you to his place. You sleep next to him but that's all. In the morning he says he will call. But he won't. And then, one day you meet him in some bar again, and deja-vù! He introduces himself and hands you his card. Phone number, his place, sleep, promise to call, nothing.

So I'm there gulping down my Fisus and he starts with his card. I begin to laugh. "Bobby! Do you actually exists?" Thinking this is funny I tell everyone at the bar this guy doesn't really exist. I'm folding down laughing, obviously drunk as a fish (that's the point of drinking shots, isn't it?).

End up going to his place again, and it beats me why. So we slept. Which was actually quite nice. Bobby might be the only male in whose bed I am actually able to sleep, not think about sex or whether I might accidentally fart.

Does that count as a Detail? No? What are you saying, a semi? Let's settle with that.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Cocktails Against Diseases

I'm the world's famous cocktail journalist(ess) Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track soon.

Swine flu! Haven't been able to work. To top it all up, my idea for a cocktail article was rejected by an ignorant editor. It would have been a page turner. Me, my best friend, the lead singer of HIM Ville Valo and the Swedish artist José Gonzales at my place, add the cocktail guru Victor Über to teach how to make gorgeous cocktails, a photographer, and a party! Guess what the editor said? 'I don't have a format for that in my mag'. WTH??? Who cares about formats?! Not my fans, one thing I know for sure.

Went for a doctor. Considering my occupancy, he told me to keep to moderate alcohol consumption even when ill, although not advicable to anyone below the heavy drinker line, whom, frankly, I don't know any. (At least we're not pot heads. Drinking is legal, and if it's legal it cannot hurt). Cutting a decade long habit cold turkey would be simply dangerous. But told the doctor, I do need to mix some vitamins into my alcohol.

So, the story goes, it all turned into something productive: I learnt to mix my own drinks. Finally. Which places me one step closer to my dream, running my own cocktail bar! And now I have a winner concept too: health cocktail bar! Maybe alongside a spa.

Here are my tips for healhty cocktails you can do at home now.

1. Agave syrup caipirinhas. Juice of one lime per drink for vitamin C, a tablespoon of healhty Agave Syrup, ice and a generous gulp of energising yet relaxing cachaça.
2. Ginger syrup. Ginger cures anything. Make your own delicious cocktail syrup by melting sugar together with water and sliced ginger in a pot with low heat, cooking for a half an hour. Let cool and store in your fridge. Try with gin, pineapple juice and a dash of ginger ale.
3. Cinnamon syrup. Melt brown sugar together with water and a cinnamon cane in a pot on low heat. Let cool and store in your fridge. Mix in vodka, apple juice and a dash of soda.

It's good for you!

Details? At the stage I'm in? Ha ha ha ha ha.

Friday, September 4, 2009

European Sipping Association & Lisbon Nightlife



I'm the world's famous cocktail journalist(ess) Anna Väkeväinen - a recognized sipologist but mostly focusing on gonzo reportage. I'm so famous that sometimes replying to all the invitations and fan mail keeps me from doing the actual work: drinking. But I always get back on the track soon.

I'm in Lisbon at the moment, participating in the highly recognized conference of the European Sipping Association. Lots of interesting reportage.

Inspiring plenary speakers. Michael Beeraway on Can Drinking Change the World, then Margarita Downer on Ethics of Sleeping with Bartenders.

My paper was on Nomadic Identities, focusing on transitions from one bar to another. However, just before the session I got stuck in the toilet booth. The door wouldn't open. Yelled, but everyone had gone to the session rooms. Tried to climb, but only dropped my cell in the toilet, and finally, tried to kick the door open (one of the things everyone is thinking of doing once; it wasn't as in the movies, though, the door didn't even shriek). Missed my presentation.

But you know, theory is only the tip of the iceberg, and the most important part of the conference was participant observation anyway. In Bairro Alto, focused on drinks from Brazil which is a former colony of Portugal (did you know that?!). Caipirinhas and Caipiroskas, that they make, ummmm, with Tequila?

Warning: In Bairro Alto, in some bars the cocktails are horrendous, a big plastic mug filled almost solely with alcohol. If you get one of those, my advice is to drink it as quickly as possible and hold your nose. When you're done, proceed to another bar and do the same until you find a bar with drinks you can actually enjoy. Then stay. Most of the cocktails in Lisbon are just as they should: stiff yet crispy sweet & sour.

No Details, just work. Which makes me scared. It's been a month without Details alread! Am I going to spend the rest of my life virgin?